From the “Things That Only Interest Me” Files…

This one’s funny. Well, I guess if you have my sense of humor it is.

You know how Google mail has those little links across the top of your Inbox while you’re trying to read the subject lines or get rid of the Spam? I saw the following headline: “Bug’s Penis Makes Loudest Animal Sound” - and, well, I just had to click on that bait. I mean, I wasn’t interviewed for this article… have they heard the noise my penis makes?

The lesser water boatman is “smaller than a drawing pin, but it’s also the loudest animal on the planet...relative to its body size[.]” The male Micronecta scholtzi can create mating calls of up to 99.2 decibels. For some comparison, the article notes, this decibel level “is the equivalent of sitting in the front row of a loud, full-blown orchestra, or standing 15 meters away from a hurtling freight train.” Which would be cool enough, but probably wouldn’t even merit it being an answer-question on Jeopardy… except for this last part:

To make this colossal acoustic din, the male water boatman rubs his penis (or “genitalia appendage”) against the ridged surface of his abdomen, like a wooden spoon against a washboard. Size doesn’t matter for this tiny marine animal, though, as the whole area measures about 50 micrometers across - roughly the width of a human hair.

Now, an elephant’s trumpet blast can get as loud as 117 decibels, but it’s trunk isn’t the size of a human hair (obviously). And neither is its, uhhh... other trunk. But one question scientists haven’t answered that immediately popped into my head was: “As a matter of evolutionary biology, does having the loudest mating call on the planet mean that the male lesser water boatman is the horniest creature on the planet?”

The full article can be found by clicking here on Wired.com’s UK site.